Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
