I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
This baby is an asshole
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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