Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
