meet me or not, i'm out of control
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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