hotel room ftw
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
you're hired as official boob wrangler
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Randomize
