i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
