im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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