when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
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