i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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