I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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