so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
