he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
