I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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