I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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