Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Mom said you looked used
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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