Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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