Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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