I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
they need to just BURY HIM!
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Randomize
