There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I deserve this hangover.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
