I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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