Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
