The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
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