I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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