Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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