She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
