its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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