anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
