I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
