was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
