My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
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