Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
