I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
