**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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