Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
We just shotgunned beers for America
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
