i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
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