i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
