Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
