Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
