Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
