alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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