The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
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