Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
