I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I have post one night stand depression
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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