she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Randomize
