I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize