cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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