dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
