Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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