I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
