Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Randomize
