So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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