You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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