actually, I'm a sock model
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
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