Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Your cock deserves a montage
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
