She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
