Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
