even my farts smell like vagina
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
