I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
