I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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