She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
