If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
