I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
