I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I got inside last night via doggy door
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
