going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
