oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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