If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
