Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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