She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize