It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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