I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
